[REPOST] A Song of Curse

It’s been 240 hours—that included 2 most-recent movies, a half-bag of chicken wings, an hour of self-loathing and crying, a gazillion-times-repeated heartbreak song(s) (which are heartbreakingly sad and painful) and a novel that I have just started reading again—since the last time I saw his face.

Ugh.

I used to be crazy over my music I store in my iPod, but lately they just suck in being ‘the music I store in my iPod’. Which does not necessarily mean I have sucky taste of music (‘sucky’ is not even a word), but it’s just because for the past few weeks I had been sharing them (my music) with a person who, at the present, happens to be my kind of past already. (Ouch)
Which (how many times have I used the word ‘which’ so far?) got me come up with some kind of conclusion: I should not share my music with anyone anymore.

Or maybe I should really just be more careful in sharing my music with any particular person. Because here’s the thing: say I come up with an idea and then I share it with someone and that someone somehow contributes a sub-idea to my idea and after then it’s not my own idea anymore, it’s somewhat theirs too.

Am I making my point? Well my point is, when you start to listen to this song and you like it so much and then you meet a person and then somehow you go all “Hey you know what, I think I know a song you’d like which kind of describes us both right now, or us in the future, or us in the past, which doesn’t matter because at the moment we are together, but seriously you should listen to it and tell me if you feel the same thing and that we’re SO destined to be with each other” and then you give him the song and unfortunately he LIKES it too and BOOM the song is not only yours now, it’s his too. It is now a song for two people, you and him, and then you sing it together during dates and rides and awkward silence pauses and every time the song comes up on a radio either of you would text each other “OUR SONG IS ON THE RADIO” and see what just happened there? Our song. Our song. Not my song, not your song, our song.

Other people might claim the song as theirs too, but the point is that now the song becomes a bridge, becomes a frikkin Golden Gate bridge which joins you and the person you share the song with. The song has now become The Song. Not just some song, The Song.
And what makes it even worse, you can’t just simply forget The Song. No. The Song, will always be The Song. The Song becomes a memory. You’ll hear it twenty years from now and the pages will be flipped back, flashing right in front of your eyes and you can’t help but reminisce. Which isn’t always a bad thing, honestly, but if the memories attached to the song is already bad, like memories of the past and how it used to be so magical and wonderful (I hate hate hate past tenses), but now all they are is history, one that you wish to unsee, but it’s there, inevitably, well, the flashing back and the flipping pages won’t be quite as delightful anymore.

And I think it’s just simply unfair to the song if you end up skipping it every time it plays. I mean it’s kind of normal, you skipping it, because to listen to every bit of it is upsetting. It’s bittersweet, which makes it even more sad. Because it’s bitter, but yet you still acknowledge the sweetness of it. The sweetness of what now has become the past. And it’s upsetting because you know it’s a good song, it’s a great song with mind-blowing melodies and awesome lyrics and it brings out such positive energy every time you hear it, but then the memories intervene aaaaaaaaand boom, good song gone bad. 

 This has been in my draft since forever.

- Sri Izzati http://theladybug.tumblr.com/ -

Sorry

Hey :)
No i'm not coming to ruin your life any worse. Neither to show off any stuffs like a saleswoman, i know you hate me already. I'm here just want to make everything clear, that maybe..you were right. Maybe all these time, you've been absolutely right about everything. About myself who is somehow overdramatic, childish, arrogant, selfish, stubborn, introvert, take things without any concern to its risk, see something just from where I stand, maybe it's all wrong but one thing... You're wrong about me hating you. Cause i never did. Not even once.

I know you've been staring in the mirror, asking it 'what thing is possibly wrong in me?'. But you got no answers, up until now. And i know you'll never find that bravery to tell everyone what's been wrong inside of you. I know you've been wondering how could you be in this place, standing alone, watching me preaching 'bout goodbyes all day long. I know you don't know how to explain things to me, and that one creature. Everything that you think i don't know, i quietly know without letting you know that i know.

Honestly, i'm just a person just like you. I'm a homeless and hopeless wanderer. I've nobody that maybe waits me anywhere. I'm just a lonely wanderer, talking to my notes. Nobody to share, nobody will care. They think their life is just too precious to be touched by a wanderer's story. I also don't know where to run, where to go right now, because you're no longer here. You were the person i found when i was on the road, finding who i am. But right here when i already know myself, i don't even realize that you've been gone for so long. I drowned into my dreams of happy ending, too much 'til I left everyone i used to know.


You know what?
Have you ever think how do i feel when i saw you having a new life with someone else? I thought i felt broken, i thought i felt like it was all useless...and goddamn someone named 'you'. But finally i realize what life has taught me. I've being let by it to met you, to know you more. You maybe can't believe that i didn't even know that you exist. Then, one day you came around and walked into my life and got together in my journey. You were a heal for every pain i felt. I should've thank you for being there at that time and suddenly be my everything. I didn't know how, but you just did

But look at me, i'm just a failed Cinderella. I'm not a princess and this ain't a fairy tale. You are not supposed to be my prince that now it's too late for you to chase me by all of your white horses. I know that i will never be good enough for you. Maybe i'm just a fool girl. But sorry, i'm not Rihanna and i don't love the way you lie to me. I only hope that you'll be happy with everything you have now, cause i'm happy with it. You'll be forever my secret. This will just be for you and me til the end. I'm sorry for everything i put you through. I'm happy now living with regrets everyday, everyday i asleep thinking of you and woke up just the same. I won't do it anymore, i'm done with everything about you. I should've know i've just been being a burden to you.

I'm sorry I have to walk out from your life. I wish this is the rightest time to say these things to you. We'll meet again somewhere in the future if He let us to.

I'm sorry. Now set me free.

Love Me Like Money

Hello, tell her what you know, tell her how you figure her out.

Is it a girl who dresses like a playgroup kiddos?

Is she the one who shouts on things tickling her heart?

Look , She has been through some things
Seen a little sunshine seen a little rain
Her heart's been through some pain
And she doesn't wanna go back through it again

Itchy. It's getting so itchy, seeing people come and go heartlessly. Seeing people breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep in the morning they awake. This little girl is mad, growling around with her daddy's suit and tie, just like a walking dead. She doesn't want the world, as she wants just a little piece that everyone thinks it is too big for her tiny corpse. She's so naive that she thinks everything's always gonna be alright--whether life isn't that simple. She's a fire whose the anger is one loud nuclear disaster, don't play with her or you're already killed in her head. 'No it isn't anger. It's rage' said she, chewing bubblegum among her lips. The rage is all noise, the louder, the better.

 

Don't feed into her lies.

She is the one who never lies, yet she is one drama queen. She wears masker on her face, so you don't need to pretend like you care on her scars. She doesn't apologize for her mistake, no good at it, but she forgives at best. She's one your best friend, your best enemy, depends on how you treat her. She's fragile as a thin layer of Pole's ice, step on her and she breaks you down freezing beneath the sea. She wants you to be happy in everything that you do, but if you don't care then she will just hope that you die hit by trucks or buried by quicksand. She will say anything to shake your confidence, and even if she doesn't believe it, i bet you 5 bucks that she would after.

Living with her is simple. But don't you think her life is simple.

Treat her as she really is, and she treats you as you really are.

If she should be so bold, She'd give you heart in her hand for you to hold.

She will love you and find a way to you if it kills her.

And what a shame i've already told you the way to love someone, that actually is me.

And if only there's a sentence to sum up it all how to love me, i'd briefly say 'Love me like money'