Sorry

Hey :)
No i'm not coming to ruin your life any worse. Neither to show off any stuffs like a saleswoman, i know you hate me already. I'm here just want to make everything clear, that maybe..you were right. Maybe all these time, you've been absolutely right about everything. About myself who is somehow overdramatic, childish, arrogant, selfish, stubborn, introvert, take things without any concern to its risk, see something just from where I stand, maybe it's all wrong but one thing... You're wrong about me hating you. Cause i never did. Not even once.

I know you've been staring in the mirror, asking it 'what thing is possibly wrong in me?'. But you got no answers, up until now. And i know you'll never find that bravery to tell everyone what's been wrong inside of you. I know you've been wondering how could you be in this place, standing alone, watching me preaching 'bout goodbyes all day long. I know you don't know how to explain things to me, and that one creature. Everything that you think i don't know, i quietly know without letting you know that i know.

Honestly, i'm just a person just like you. I'm a homeless and hopeless wanderer. I've nobody that maybe waits me anywhere. I'm just a lonely wanderer, talking to my notes. Nobody to share, nobody will care. They think their life is just too precious to be touched by a wanderer's story. I also don't know where to run, where to go right now, because you're no longer here. You were the person i found when i was on the road, finding who i am. But right here when i already know myself, i don't even realize that you've been gone for so long. I drowned into my dreams of happy ending, too much 'til I left everyone i used to know.


You know what?
Have you ever think how do i feel when i saw you having a new life with someone else? I thought i felt broken, i thought i felt like it was all useless...and goddamn someone named 'you'. But finally i realize what life has taught me. I've being let by it to met you, to know you more. You maybe can't believe that i didn't even know that you exist. Then, one day you came around and walked into my life and got together in my journey. You were a heal for every pain i felt. I should've thank you for being there at that time and suddenly be my everything. I didn't know how, but you just did

But look at me, i'm just a failed Cinderella. I'm not a princess and this ain't a fairy tale. You are not supposed to be my prince that now it's too late for you to chase me by all of your white horses. I know that i will never be good enough for you. Maybe i'm just a fool girl. But sorry, i'm not Rihanna and i don't love the way you lie to me. I only hope that you'll be happy with everything you have now, cause i'm happy with it. You'll be forever my secret. This will just be for you and me til the end. I'm sorry for everything i put you through. I'm happy now living with regrets everyday, everyday i asleep thinking of you and woke up just the same. I won't do it anymore, i'm done with everything about you. I should've know i've just been being a burden to you.

I'm sorry I have to walk out from your life. I wish this is the rightest time to say these things to you. We'll meet again somewhere in the future if He let us to.

I'm sorry. Now set me free.

Love Me Like Money

Hello, tell her what you know, tell her how you figure her out.

Is it a girl who dresses like a playgroup kiddos?

Is she the one who shouts on things tickling her heart?

Look , She has been through some things
Seen a little sunshine seen a little rain
Her heart's been through some pain
And she doesn't wanna go back through it again

Itchy. It's getting so itchy, seeing people come and go heartlessly. Seeing people breathe in for luck, breathe in so deep in the morning they awake. This little girl is mad, growling around with her daddy's suit and tie, just like a walking dead. She doesn't want the world, as she wants just a little piece that everyone thinks it is too big for her tiny corpse. She's so naive that she thinks everything's always gonna be alright--whether life isn't that simple. She's a fire whose the anger is one loud nuclear disaster, don't play with her or you're already killed in her head. 'No it isn't anger. It's rage' said she, chewing bubblegum among her lips. The rage is all noise, the louder, the better.

 

Don't feed into her lies.

She is the one who never lies, yet she is one drama queen. She wears masker on her face, so you don't need to pretend like you care on her scars. She doesn't apologize for her mistake, no good at it, but she forgives at best. She's one your best friend, your best enemy, depends on how you treat her. She's fragile as a thin layer of Pole's ice, step on her and she breaks you down freezing beneath the sea. She wants you to be happy in everything that you do, but if you don't care then she will just hope that you die hit by trucks or buried by quicksand. She will say anything to shake your confidence, and even if she doesn't believe it, i bet you 5 bucks that she would after.

Living with her is simple. But don't you think her life is simple.

Treat her as she really is, and she treats you as you really are.

If she should be so bold, She'd give you heart in her hand for you to hold.

She will love you and find a way to you if it kills her.

And what a shame i've already told you the way to love someone, that actually is me.

And if only there's a sentence to sum up it all how to love me, i'd briefly say 'Love me like money'

Sepasang Mata Bola

Sepasang mata bola, lama menatapmu di kejauhan. Mengagum dalam diam, membenci pun dalam diam. Mendengar hal tak pantas didengar, melihat hal tak pantas dilihat.

Sepasang mata bola, lama menatapmu di kejauhan. Dibawah sinaran bohlam temaram, tangisnya sedih tertusuk duri tajam. Menyisir gelap malam dengan sejuta mimpi kelam. Berperang batin tanpa senjata tanpa bela bala tentara.

Sepasang mata bola, menatapmu di kejauhan. Di segala kesendirian, kadang ia mendekat, berpura jadi sobat terbaik untuknya. Tiadakah tempat larimu menuju, anak muda? Memang--tiada lebih indah dibanding jumpa tempat berteduh kala badai menerpa.

Sepasang mata bola, menatapmu di kejauhan. Ia sedang duduk-duduk bersantai, tak sendirian. Si sempurna nyata telah lama ada disana. Serasi sekali mereka hingga semua orang berkata-kata tiada habisnya. Si sempurna dengan segala kesempurnaannya yang sempurna mencintainya dengan sempurna.

Lalu, sepasang mata bola, berlari melepas pandangnya darimu. Kau berantakan mencarinya, tak lagi ada yang awas akanmu. Air mukamu tertegun penuh sesal, dan hujan turun membasahimu. Kau kini kehilangannya, tiada peta tiada arah tujuan yang 'kan menuntunmu padanya. Selama ini ada yang hilang darimu, kau tak tahu itu apa. Jadi biar kuberitahu, sepasang mata bola, telah mencuri secuil hatimu yang kaujaga. Sepasang mata bola telah membobol sandi hidupmu yang kaukira berharga, namun ternyata tak terlalu berharga.

Kini sepasang mata bola terusir pergi, sebab mata yang lain hanya bisa melihat apa yang sempurna. Kini sepasang mata bola tersenyum girang, hati curian telah ada di genggamannya, dan ada yang menangis mencari-carinya.

"Seperti syair tak beraksara, seperi puisi tak berima. Seperti itu aku padamu.."

- Lydia Annisa -

...

 A i r   u n t u k   A p i 

Lydia Annisa

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Sore itu laut begitu tenang, ombak telah memutuskan berhenti menjadi pemarah sejak beberapa hari lalu. Daun-daun berjatuhan, tak pernah marah pada angin yang menggugurkannya. Matahari harus segera sembunyi satu-dua jam lagi, dua elemen itu masih terduduk di tepi pantai. Membereskan sisa-sisa kerajaan pasir mereka yang tak jelas bentuknya. Sudah mereka layarkan perahu kertas bertuliskan mantra-mantra mematikan, yang jika mereka saling mengetahuinya, mungkin dunia ini akan terbalik. Mereka terdiam, bersitatap satu sama lain.

"Aku tak pernah ingin ada disini, sejujurnya."
"Tak pernah ada diantara kita yang ingin ada disini." ujar Api, tersenyum tipis. "Lebih baik kau segera pergi."
"Kenapa begitu?"
"Akan lebih menyenangkan untukku. Bukankah kau bilang kau tak ingin aku terluka lebih dalam?"
"Aku memang tak ingin. Tapi kenapa aku harus pergi?" Air menatap gamang wajah Api yang menengadah langit.
"Karena keberadaanmu disini bukan apa-apa selain hanya membuatku semakin terluka." Api pun menghembuskan nafas. "Menyakitkan saat menyadari kau bukan lagi penenang bagiku, menyakitkan saat kau datang hanya untuk menghibur, bukan membahagiakanku."
"Maaf, namun aku masih ingin tetap disini, tetap bersamamu walau aku bukan lagi aku yang dulu."
"Apa kau juga mengatakan itu padanya?" Air terdiam. Begitu lama, menyadari betapa bodohnya keputusan yang telah ia buat untuk mencoba. "Aku terlambat menyadari betapa kau begitu berarti,"
"Ya. Aku pernah memberimu kesempatan dan kau menyiakannya. Maka dari itu, pergilah sekarang karena aku tak akan memberimu kesempatan ketiga karena itu tak mungkin."
"Kau sendiri yang bilang, tak ada yang tak mungkin di dunia ini." bantah Air.
"Ya, mungkin juga untukku menciptakan mesin kloning di dunia ini, dan mengklon diriku sendiri. Kemudian kau datanglah pada Aku yang lain, aku sangat yakin dia pun akan memberikan kesempatan tak berbeda dengan yang pernah kuberikan padamu." nada Api mulai meninggi, "Ketahuilah, kau hanyalah pria kecil sok tahu dengan segala egomu yang ingin memiliki segalanya. Kau tak lebih kekanak-kanakan dariku, jadi berhentilah merengek seperti bayi."
"Kamu tak pernah mengerti.."
"Begitupun kamu."

Kedua elemen itu terdiam. Sediam bebatuan yang akhirnya lebur terkikis angin.

"Pergilah, cari kebahagiaanmu. Aku tahu kau tak menyadarinya sekarang, tapi aku yakin kau akan bahagia." kata Api.
"Jika aku pergi, itu pun karena kau yang menyuruhku pergi."
"Maka lakukanlah, karena cepat atau lambat kau akan menemukan alasan lain untuk pergi. Berlarilah karena kau akan kulupakan."
"Bagaimana jika aku tak bahagia?"
"Tengoklah ke belakang, aku adalah masa lalumu. Jika tiba waktunya kebahagiaan itu semu, berlarilah sekuat tenagamu menujuku, aku akan disana menunggumu seperti yang selalu kulakukan dulu. Di tempat yang sama, dengan rasa yang berbeda. Aku akan selalu selamanya seperti ini, menjemukan, selalu membuatmu marah, membuatmu menunggu, penuh misteri dan ketidakpastian yang memusingkanmu. Aku akan disana sebagai gadis kecil egois dengan segala kebodohan mempercayai cerita-cerita bohongmu, gadis kecil yang selalu bersiteguh untuk tetap mencintaimu walau tahu kau ingin sekali terlepas. Datanglah padaku, karena aku akan selalu seperti ini, selalu mencari kebahagiaan di setiap keputusan yang kau buat."
Air terdiam sejenak, menatap laut biru. Ia tak yakin apa yang harus ia lakukan selanjutnya, namun ia malah berkata "Aku akan bahagia, sehingga tak harus selalu merepotkanmu, membuatmu menangis dalam tidur dan mimpimu. Aku tak akan datang lagi karena aku hanya akan menjadi bekas luka yang tak pernah bisa kau sembuhkan. Maafkan aku, karena bahagiaku harus selalu menjadi tangismu."
"Tidak apa. Aku selalu menangis bahagia."
"Aku mencintaimu."
"Aku mencintai kebahagiaanmu."


Api dan Air pun berpegangan tangan diatas tanah. Api telah padam, dan Air telah kembali ke asalnya. Mereka berjanji tak akan saling jatuh hati lagi..setidaknya selamanya.