I met the Neptune yet.

Say i'ma traveler. Cause i really do, this holiday. I've been a very nice and cutest wanderer. Motorbiking to Madiun alone is too mainstream now, i do it almost everyday, the thing i used to get scared of being hit by trucks. It was all because of OSIS thingy. I had to do juniors' orientation preps. Proposals, admission letters, signatures, licenses and agreements i stuck on these things. And i thought i need an escape. Last week i wandered to Pasuruan, to my aunt's house and been a babysitter all at sudden--i forgot that my aunt had such a baby day care. It was okay with 2 or 3 babies, but 14 is just... But i'm happy, Fahri, Satria, Wina, Fawwaz, Judy, and the other babies were just acting so cute.

So on an afternoon i went to see Refrain with Zhi and Dili in Madiun, had lunch and chit-chats, i met Gabriela and got a good news that Ike was also accepted there, and back to Ponorogo right after that. No, we went to Zhi's house first at Dolopo. We made another silly plan to wander (again), this is the other Jogja case, but nearer. And that silly+stupid+fool plan came true in the other day.

Klayar.
I've ever heard that name but never been there for sure. So, i, Dili, Adi and Zhi's family went there first. Since Teleng Ria had been too mainstream. The road was...ugh..ah..i won't say here. But it got paid, with the view. The very beautiful beach view, the cliffs right and left, the horizon, the waves, the great winds...i just didn't wanna go home. This is one of the most beautiful runaway i've ever made. This is Javanese Tanah Lot. This is Neptune's home. Don't ask me to go home. I don't want to. Finally, let me tell you how we met Neptune...

Klayar from distance

 Err... wanna be like that too one day ._.v

 Told ya. It's Javanese Tanah Lot.

 Swipe me swipe me away~

 Zhi's mom and dad hihihi 

 We're taking self camera with timer cause nobody we know would take one -_-

 So...

It's always been so hard to say goodbye.

Hey i've said it!

Misconceptions of PHP

Nggak keminggris lagi deh. Mau galauan soalnya.
Nggak tau. Ya Tuhan, nggak tau. Entah ini bakat atau takdir, hamba nggak pernah tahu.

Jadi...kita nggak akan pernah tahu seseorang serius apa nggak sama kita, sampai kita berani tanya. And when the time comes, dan kamu tahu ternyata bukan kamu orangnya, all you ever do was mengkeret jadi bola dan pengen dilemparin sejauh-jauhnya. Tapi kadang aku ngerasa semua ini benar-benar aneh. Aneh yang klise. Karena, harapan (yang ternyata cuma akting) itu begitu sempurna di mataku. Benar-benar dimainkan tanpa kesalahan. Dan saya, si pemirsa, tentu saja memberi standing applause dengan senang hati. Si aktor pun tertawa girang oleh keberhasilannya dan beranjak pergi tanpa peduli.

Jadi, singkat saja, i fell in love to a player.
Aku terlalu salah menafsirkan semuanya. Karena semua itu, dulu, jauh sebelum rasa itu, semua begitu terasa biasa. Tak ada yang spesial darinya. Tapi saat kamu kembali merecallnya kembali, semua itu seakan spesial, tanpa kamu sadari. Akhir-akhir ini aku selalu merasa diperhatikan, distalk, diperlakukan spesial, etc etc. Saat kemudian aku sadar, dari dulu, hingga sekarang, gak ada yang berubah dari bahasanya dan perlakuannya dan perhatiannya ke aku. Hanya ada satu yang berubah, rasaku buat dia.

Rasa itulah yang malah menghancurkan segalanya yang sebelumnya normal dan baik-baik saja.

Rasa itu yang membuat semuanya terlihat begitu indah. Ia membuat segalanya seakan menjadi mudah dan begitu gemerlap..tanpa kusadari.

Dan ketika rasa itu hilang, aku merasa telah begitu bodoh telah menganggap lebih semuanya.
Jadi ini bukan salah si PHP, tapi ini salahku yang salah tafsir tentang ruang kosong yang sebenarnya selalu dia berikan, sebagai harapan. Karena sebenarnya, dia TIDAK pernah memberiku harapan itu. Dan aku telah terlalu dibutakan mindsetku hingga juga dengan bodohnya, akhirnya aku tahu selama ini dia mencintai orang lain.

Hmm..
Tapi, jatuh cinta sama player is somehow a fun thing, karena memang asyik, jika kita tahu proporsi antara peluang dan pengharapan yang tepat. He gives you all his strength just to impress you, and yeah, you'll be easily get impressed even with the littlest thing he does. He will do it again and again, sampai kadar kebutaan cintamu penuh. Dan setelah dia merasa cukup, he will definitely leave you, heartlessly. Because all he had done yo you, he did it without any purpose, without any kinda special feeling. Dia cuma inginkan kesenangan. To him, girls are barbie dolls. Habis manis sepah dibuang.

Tapi, Tuhan sayang aku. Aku diizinkan tahu siapa sebenarnya orang yang selama ini mendapatkan perhatianku. Dan aku bisa let go heartlessly juga. Jaadiii, kurasa aku udah bisa memfilter semuanya dengan proporsional. And to fall in love with a player...it's undeniably a loveliest shit you've ever done. I've tried them twice.

Shockturday

 

First of all, i’m gonna tell you before you get noticed, this is no show-off post. I’m just wanting to sing my gratitude for everything He had given to me this, these lovely-almost-17-year. And i want you to come sing along with me. Come in my happiness.

Wait, happiness? We’re familiar with it. But really, i’ve never really knew what’s it and what’s the point of happiness. It’s just smile and laughs and love, no? Or ‘when we’re together’ thing? To me it doesn’t explain happiness clearly. And here me goes, i’m turning this way and this day. And i’m going to say that this is ‘OH..’ day. I finally understand what unexplainable thing wants to explain itself. 

This is June 29. I should’ve gotten my last report. I was in pain of sleeping the night before. I used to think that social or science is okay. That depends on how’s your effort. But in that night, i just realized that....i’m no good in social...at all. I’m no economical growth thinksucker, i’m no memorizing robot, i’m no good in making lines for accountance, i’m no good at social at all and i just realized that as a matter of fact, I’VE DONE NOTHING TO OVERCOME THEM ALL. I did no anticipating-programs whether i would be in social/science class. All i ever thought about is i’m good in science and my instinct would lead me to it. But still, i had no any prep if i..forcefully, had to go to social class. And i started to get an insomnia thinking about it. And in that time, all i could do was praying for the best. It’s absolutely shocking to, in the end, 7 hours before the student report distribution day, you’re not ready to get what you deserve.

Allah tahu semalem aku doanya maksa :’D

I slept at half past 1 and fully woke up at 7. I had a plan to make Adi’s birthday surprise so i didn’t go to Madiun with my parents, yet i wasn’t ready at all to see my scores. And this is a pic from her birthday. Happy birthday, girl. I love you {}

 **

“Lid kamu ranking 7, Sarkem 6, aku 9, Abim 8, Adi 10 J”

...

Zhizhi said. That’s when i got the buzz.

“IPA”

Mom said. The next buzz.

Part I ended. God knows His beggar a way too much. And i’m a lucky person. Too lucky.

 

Then, at night i got a mention from my acquaintance from 3rd AFS test in Malang couple weeks before. She told me to open my account and the next second i cried.

God, this is shocking.

I’m not ready for this.

But you told me to. This time. When i’m this dizzy to understand what really happens.

Happiness.

The first word i got when i felt that turn of moment. I don’t know how to explain happiness for sure, but i know this is one of its definition. My heart felt so damn warm like being hugged by a big panda, so damn cold like it’s holding boxes of ice, and so...damn... amazed like i opened an opera curtain and see a new upcoming life of myself. My sofa i sat on suddenly transformed into a trampolin. It flies me to the sky, bounces me over and over and over again. I’m awake from my long bad dreams and dark shadow. Oh god, this is happiness. The happiness of the happiness. The happiness i’ve been dying to live it up. The lost city i’ve been wandering all these time. I finally found it.

Guys, i’ll never be enough by saying thank you. I leave my life for You. And The State never seems this close...