'Rainbow' is relative :)

Mungkin ini jalan kita :)

I decided stop trying. I did quit this game.
Time speaks, and you walk closer. And this lil self feels good. I'm no stumbling at all. I'm feeling safe when you're around.

Thank God. For showing me Your beautiful way. Now i can see clearer, see the world with an opened mind. I should've know, we were destined not for knowing each other, maybe seeing each other's happiness is enough. We stared. We smiled.

CASE CLOSED.

I hate to be soon turning to 17

17 sucks.

Identity card. Driving license. General election. College. Jobs. Graduations. Turn. Marriage legal age. Released. Someone opened my gate. Feelings. Understandings. Ranks. Competitions. The real world.

 I hate it.

I miss living in fairy tales.

Give me back my 16.

Peterpan, help me.

I wanna be forever 16.

How does it feel?

How does it feel to be announced dead?
How does it feel to be dead?
How does it feel to leave away?
How does it feel to feel nothing?
How does it feel to see your feet above the ground?
How does it feel to see people crying because of you?
How does it feel to fly?
How does it feel to be invisible?
How does it feel to be remembered or forgotten?
How does it feel to be considered not exist, besides you're around?
How does it feel to have no choice?
How does it feel to see the hell and heaven?
How does it feel to walk towards one of them?
How does it feel seeing Him count all you've done?
How does it feel to see everyone deliver you back in nothingness to Him?
How does it feel?

Now i'm climbing the wall and you don't notice at all

I ain't gonna say about Liam, Niall or whatsoever you knew about them. Besides i'm not a directioners, though.
Leeeet me see *sniffing journal*
I got so much thing to do this semester, actually. Moreover, the government  put the RSBI label off my school. We should've been home by 2 pm but it's not. It's only a dream maybe. I wonder how could my clock runs so unpredictably fast. Especially when Monday meets another Monday. I'm feeling left by the time. Have i been walking too slow all these time? Or is this just a sign of apocalypse like the public always relate?

The only thing i know is..i'm alive and just like live in aimlessness. Yes get ready to transform into a very pathetic person when reading my blog. Because beware, honestly, this is my runaway. Everything's possible here and nobody could stop it. I would come here when i'm feeling lost. Sometimes i think about Bella Swan, said that "Sometimes i feel like i've always stumbled up in every single decision i've made". It's not wrong either. Because i am that kind of people..who always feels stumbled, not right, improper, unsystematic, and too random. But the much i think about it, the much i will go to the bad. I got an unbelievable marks on my student report and i got to switch myself into silent mode almost a day long. I didn't talk, i didn't eat, i only did daydreams over and over again until i got into a tire.

But actually i'm very thankful to my labile-ness. Because it changes my opinion everytime, whether better or worse, but it does. So sometimes i feel so motivated, so-in-the-mood, but nevertheless, sometimes it takes me seeing the dark side of something. I think this is who i am. I am the person who got to be thrown, stepped down, bullied, underestimated by everyone to wake up and move on. I also never understand because i've ever been like this for uncounted times before and i never be recovered until now.

The fallen.
It makes someone wake up. Because there will be no such thing as wake up without the word of falling, right?
And someday someone gonna need to be fallen down by another to find his/her real own self. Cause at last i conclude that the maturity of somebody laid on how they find the powers to get him/herself up.Whether they choose to give up or not to give up, whether they pull their friends' hands or struggling by only theirselves. The fallen takes you closer to the edge, to the other side of glory. To the survivors and the losers. To the spark and the lightless. From the kind to the untamed. For the shy and for the brave.

At last. I decided. To dedicate myself as a memory.
Special. Full of mistakes. Full of learns. Marked. Smiles. Tears. Unforgettable. Regrets. Pains. Glories. Winnings. Everything. Now i'm climbing the wall without your notice at all. So let's move on.

"Never regret anything you've done. Cause in the end, it makes you who you are."

You were colours

A world i trapped into. Seems like some days ago the day that we met. I miss the time that we didn't know each other. The time that we shouldn't see every single day. When i wasn't have to deal anything with you.
I miss the time when we were  stangers in this huge huge world. Till finally life made itself so narrow and left me alone walking this trace. The presence is not really a happy ending i would tell my besties like i used to purpose. It rather like a fairy tale meets reality. You were magic till you opened your mask right in front of my face and showed you who you really are. And actually i wanna thank you for remind me that i've fallen for the other you. I was so blind or yes, i wasn't a thinksucker in choosing particular person i would interest to. I was a fool, as a matter of fact, now i'm still a fool, knowing that i'm fooled.
But thank you anyway.
You showed me how to disbelieve in fairy tales. Knowing that i hate imaging or just even thinking about them now. He opened my eyes so wide or a way too wide. I'm not gonna find another you. I'm  gonna found not by you again. I officially closed my tale. Bye, i disappear.

At last i knew i'm not good enough

I dont wanna say much. Because heart knows everything without i saying. I flown away. I stumbled a couple of times together. And i thrown down..heartlessly. I'm okay. Or a way of pretending, or whatever you call it. Thank you for the colours. I'm throwing my canvas now.