What if..

 

Us.

 

 

 

 

Love doesn't need words to figure out

23 December 2012.

Been half a year since i was listed as a 'cimit-cimit' there for the first time. I've got my academic report on my hand. And it's the thing i shuold be thankful of. I remember the feeling of being announced as a winner in one of hundreds of people. More, it was my last choice or i will never sit in this chair just like now. The first day was good, i found a bunch of people, made friends and of course, adapt quickly. They're just a sort of fun persons to be weird with and you know i like those kinda people. We made some yell-yell even it took a lotta time because the lackness of inspiration on our heads. I got Seismograph for my group. And finally found a lotta good friends, too, they're evenly different. From the alay-est to the most pathetic, all in one. We also performed a drama under the title 'Hallyu versus Nationality' seen by the seniors. It was pretty embarassing, but it was worth fighting for. They also introduced a lot of exciting and also challenging extras. Exactly, they needed me to enroll. I chose english smart, theater, wall-magz, and the last is journalism. And the orientation ended by the outbound in Taman Ria Maospati. I could say that it was our last day to enjoy our childishness to the max. Cause i knew that the upcoming days gonna be so hard.

Then I moved. You moved. We all moved on. I left Seismograph to Hooligans. My new, true, family for the next two tiring semester. I remember our faces when we first met each other. You both stared me like i was a stranded-alien-coming-from-the-land-of-mars. But you all ended up agreeing that i'ma human since i was dressed, i had name, i had a home address, i had KTP, and i got there not by riding a UFO. But you guys decided that we are aliens colony, so i enjoy. We knew each other, not instantly, actually. But yes we keep trying up until now to know each other more and more.

You guys.
I know maybe now i'm still nothing to you. But you gotta know that everyday i struggle in the name of you. I'm so proud being a part of you. Being the 14th even i don't like four-thing. You just have to know that i can't hear you say that you don't love me. Really. Because why? I DO love you. And i never want you to leave me alone in your sadness or happiness. I want your tears, just like i want your smiles. So, share it with me. Let me see. Let me feel. Let us hold on together against the world.

You taught me how to live righteously. Understanding people. Paying off our promises. Doing responsibility. Being on time. Remind each other, sad or glad news is it. Never take off hands from the people in need. Raise up from the deep falling. Loving people with heart, nor the eyes. And.... you also taught me to pretend smiles no matter how much my heart hurt by whoever.

And now i'm here. Trying to enjoy this position because God know actually i'm not. Trying to manage when i should be myself and when i shouldn't. You are my home. Somewhere i belong to. A place i would look into. My power bank. A portable spirit-charger. You are my home. Somewhere i would come back from my other world. A source of thousands impossible stories. We plan it all, and make it all together. A place where impossible has no power to grow.


So don't you dare to leave me. Ever.
It's something a friend wouldn't do.
And you are my friend. You are my family.

You are my home.
Somewhere i'll always go.

You are my siblings.
People i'll never tired of listening.

And we are the one.
Let's be weird and mess up around.

Spell

So How Do You Spell This Thing?

My Area-51 got so unreasonably rainy these days. And you know that I love to get wet of it rather than using any umbrellas to save my head. People said I’m mad but I enjoy this madness no matter what. So how do you spell this thing?

He looked for a place where I couldn’t get wet of the rain.

And you taught me how to dance in the rain.

This is also confusing. Aku harus memilih sesuatu yang gak bisa aku pilih. Kenapa gak bisa? Karena sesuatu itu bukan seharusnya dipilih dan tidak seharusnya menjadi pilihan. Dan dengan segala kebodohanku, aku memilih untuk maju, berenang melawan arus sendirian tanpa ‘senjata’ yang memadai, tanpa dukungan, tanpa massa. Begitu jauh aku melawan, begitu terjebak pulalah aku. Benar saja, aku tak bisa kembali, atau belum bisa kembali, juga tak ingin kembali.

aku seperti buta.

Aku sungguh nggak ngerti siapa kamu. Anehnya, kamu adalah satu-satunya yang aku cari. Di pikiranku, di duniaku. Setiap waktu.

Apalagi kamu. Sudah jelas kamu juga nggak ngerti siapa aku. Tapi kamu, dan semua harapan yang kau berikan.. hanya terlalu nyata untukku.

Kurasa.. kita memang nggak ditakdirkan untuk saling mengenal, dan juga bukan takdir kita untuk saling memiliki. Kita ditakdirkan untuk saling merasakan, satu sama lain tanpa pernyataan, tanpa kata-kata. Hanya peristiwa-peristiwa kecil yang menggugah hati dan selalu membuatku tersenyum ketika mengingatnya. Hanyalah sinar wajahmu yang seakan berbinar oleh cahaya mentari pagi yang menerobos masuk melewati jendela-jendela, terekam begitu rapi dalam memoriku.

Kamu mencoba melukiskan cerita dalam kanvasku. Tinta-tinta hitam buah pikiran monotonku kau torehkan warna-warna. Begitu perlahan hingga tak kusadari kisah kelam telah kulewati.

Kamu mengajariku memahami, dengan cara yang tidak biasa. Sorot matamu bagai busur panah menghujam jantungku. Seperti air mukamu yang membuatku terhanyut semakin jauh setiap detiknya.

Kamu juga adalah juru hipnotis buatku. Aku bisa melupakan pilihan-pilihan menyesatkan itu bila sudah bercerita apapun denganmu.

Suara khasmu saat memanggil  namaku, bagaimana mungkin aku akan lupa?

Ketika kamu mencuri kesempatan untuk berdiri disampingku di kedinginan malam itu. Ketika lagu-lagu indah yang kamu nyanyikan menjadi tak indah lagi karena paraunya suaramu. Ketika aku kau buat menangis oleh leluconmu yang sama sekali tidak lucu itu. Ketika aku merindukanmu setiap malam. Ketika jantungku berdegup lebih kencang ketika namamu disebut. Ketika berbicara denganmu terasa begitu menyenangkan, so timeless.. How will you spell this feeling?

This won’t even right for us to call it love.

Because the more we love, the more we get hurt.

I just don’t wanna hurt you more than this.

We’re never ever be together,so let’s not hope on ‘forever’…

Because I won’t blame the time, neither the situation. You came when i needed you from my life trouble with him.

So How should we spell this feeling if it's none of love?

Dino-tale

Maybe this one is also the numerous time I said that I swear I would look my blog again. But, hell-yeah, the world conspire me not to. Well terakhir aku post itu udah lama banget sampe aku lupa. Dan sekarang rasanya, hah, too much to say, really.

Aku baru saja melihat google doodle: 200 tahun fairy tale-nya Grimm. Jadi kepikiran soal hidupku. Sometimes I wonder: have I been living in a real world? What if, in fact, these all just dreams? what will I do to the bad things? And how much will I regret on the sweet things? I never know. The only thing remains is just me, in this 4x10m beam room. With all its crowd—yelling people, laughing faces, and also this strange atmosphere. I’m really here. In this position. And then I feel like I need the flashback so much. More than ever.

I’ve gotten fatter, yet my monthly wishes all failed. I’ve made up with time, trying to be its best girlfriend ever. I’ve got smarter. Finally I could type faster than my own heartbeat. Activate my class’ twitter acoount, and be its ‘kece’-est admin. Got bad score in almost all science lessons, besides I got a really unexpected number on social. Gosh am I that bad? Or am I aim my arrows too high? I just have to stay this naïve mind. Stay to be constant on the pitch. Stay this nerd. Stay this spirit.

And love…. God never plan an easy way for me :’)

So this is a tale about my life. Rather a dino-tale than fairytale. Yup, huge, creepy, ancient, dangerous, and….untamed.

Like We Used To :)

I can feel his breath as he's sleeping next to me

Sharing pillows and cold feet

He can feel my heart, fell asleep to its beat

Under blankets and warm sheets
If only I could be in that bed again

If only it were me instead of her
Does she watch your favorite movies?

Does she hold you when you cry?

Does she let you tell him all your favorite parts?

When you've seen it a million times
Does she sing to all your music

While you dance to "Purple Rain"?

Does she do all these things

Like I used to?
14 months and 7 days ago

Oh, I know you know how we felt about that night

Just your skin against the window

But we took it slow and we both know
It shoulda been me inside that car

It should have been me instead of her in the dark
Does she watch your favorite movies?

 Does she hold you when you cry?

 Does she let you tell him all your favorite parts

When you've seen it a million times?
Does she sing to all your music

While you dance to 'Purple Rain'?

Does she do all these things

Like I used to?
I know, love (Well, I'm a sucker for that feeling)

Happens all the time, love (I always end up feeling cheated)

You're on my mind, love (Oh sorta let his when I need it)

That happens all the time, love, yeah
Will she love you like I loved you?

Will she tell you everyday?

Will she make you feel like you're invincible

With every word she'll say?
Can you promise me if this was right?

Don't throw it all away
Can you do all these things?

Will you do all these things

Like we used to? Oh, like we used to

O...kaay, thanks for the recalling, dude. Btw, this is December already? Thanks for waking me up :)

20122011